It is very clear to anyone who knows me that I am not the most sociable person. I am polite, I have conversations when I need, but I always try to distance myself as much as I can from people.
Most of the time I am not understood, because the world is a beautiful place where everybody lives happy and in harmony. Well, not for me. I realized early on my life that people will use you, whenever they can. They will cheat, betray, and in the end of it they will look on your face as if nothing had ever happened and offer their help.
As a teenager, I always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere so I isolated myself a lot and people always seemed to think that my lack of belief in people was just a phase, that I would change with time. Well, life has showed me time and time again, that people are not to be trusted and that I was right all along.
I am not self centered or paranoid to think that everyone is out there plotting against me all the time. But if they are given the chance to benefit of something and that means hurting someone, they won’t think twice and stab you in the back. Or they just won’t do anything, which sometimes can be by far more harmful.
And it is in the hardest moments that you can clearly see who really is behind you. It is really easy to say “Oh we are family”, “We are friends” or “I’m here for you”, but when push comes to shove, there are always an excuse to why they couldn’t help you. And what aggravates me the most is that if you miss a phone call on a birthday is the end of the world. God forbid someone miss a family party. That is what matters to them. A table full of people that will be saying the worst things about them as soon as they leave. But who cares, when all that maters is what is on the outside?
I have lived away from my family for almost my whole adult life and I always thought that this was one of the best decisions I ever made. Of course that means that I’m also away from the ones who love and care about me, but if you put all this into perspective it is worth. And is not just family, people who get close to you and claim to be your friends can do just as much harm. You do nothing but trust. And in the end the do all they can to hurt you.
People need to man up and at least be decent enough to assume their actions. If you did something, face the consequences. Don’t shove the dirt under the rug, someone will find it there.
Of course there are exceptions and you will be lucky if you have one person in your life who you can trust completely and that will be there for you no matter what. But at this point of my life I really have no more faith in human kind.
On the last few years, my faith has been broken over and over again, and the main reason is the whole injustice that goes on in the world. I am not going to lie and pose as this selfless person who cares more about the others than about myself. It’s not that. But nothing gets me so angry as when I see someone suffer from injustice and after that nothing happens. Lately it seems that being a decent person and living your life without bothering anyone is an attractive to these kind of people. And nothing happens to them. I look around and all I see are good people getting hurt.
If there is really this holy justice, I’m in desperate need to see it because so far, I’m only seeing a dark path with light or end.